Dubuque, IA — For the last 7 years, Paul Juncter has been trying to get his fellow elders to remove “eternal damnation” from First Church of Dubuque’s belief statement. They have always rejected his suggestion until they found a better wording in an unlikely place, from the CEO of United Airlines.
“I was successful in getting the name ‘Christian’ removed from our church name back in 2002, as we wanted to be more seeker-friendly, but I was beginning to think we were going to be stuck with the wording of eternal damnation,” says Juncter. “But then United Airlines’ CEO Oscar Muñoz came to our rescue by terming the forceful removal of a passenger as ‘re-accommodation’ and I regained hope!” Juncter presented the following statement to the church Eldership on Wednesday evening, which was approved unanimously: “We believe in the literal second coming of our Lord, the literal rule of Christ upon the earth, the resurrection of the regenerate to eternal life and the unregenerate to eternal re-accommodation, and the ultimate victory of the eternal Kingdom of God.” After a mandatory two week waiting period, the congregation will vote by secret ballot whether or not to affirm the modified doctrinal statement.
By Mark Molten