Port St. Lucie, FL — Ex-NFL quarterback and current minor league baseball player Tim Tebow recently announced to the world that he has converted to the Restoration Movement, a group of Christian Churches with roots in the early 19th century. After recording his first hit during a spring training game against the Miami Marlins, Tebow wrote “Acts 2:38” under his eyes instead of his famous usage of John 3:16 while a quarterback at the University of Florida. Sportscasters were confused when they saw 238 under his eyes, suggesting “on air” that Tebow was predicting his batting average in AA league this year.

During the post-game interview, reporters flocked to ask about the hit and why he had written Acts 2:38 under his eyes. Tebow attributed his ability to hit the baseball to his recent confession of faith in Christ and his immersion in the waters of baptism in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. In the crowded locker room, a player shouted, “How can we be saved?” With an inspiring sermon, Tebow told everyone in the audience to repent and be baptized for the forgiveness of their sins and the gift of the Holy Spirit. Further, he pointed out that he now renounced his past non-Christian life and use of John 3:16—“For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, so that everyone who believes in him may not perish but may have eternal life.” He finished his sermon, saying that “Because it is only one part of Walter Scott’s five-finger exercise, John 3:16 has led many people to Hell. I’m ready to make Acts 2:38 the new John 3:16.” Immediately afterwards, everyone was baptized in the facilities’ ice baths, live on EPSN.

By John the Immerser



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