While America woke up on November 9th wondering what a world would look like under a president Trump, the NIV’s executive board had a different question to ponder—what should the Bible look like under a president Trump?

Recently, an online petition was created, demanding the church change the pronunciation of the books of the Bible from “first, second or third,” to “one, two or three.” In a response via email, petition organizer, Christifor Donald, told us the reason: “When our beloved president-to-be quoted from ‘Two Corinthians,’ the horrible Christian establishment slammed him as ignorant or stupid. SO MEAN. But poll after poll shows that ‘Two Corinthians’ is the real way to pronounce the book. We are simply asking that the church accept what everybody else already knows!”

It appears the petition worked. After an emergency session of the NIV’s executive board overnight, a statement was released to the public: “It is the duty of the church to remain culturally relevant. As such, upon further review, our team of scholars has concluded that the most natural way to read the names of the book is indeed the way Donald Trump has read them. We owe our new president a great deal of gratitude for pointing out this previously archaic tradition in our Biblical Scholarship.”

By Caleb Payne

Photo Credit: Key Foster Flickr via Compfight cc

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