Austin, TX — In a revolution that is making waves throughout the surrounding area, the local Church of Christ (non-instrumental) has been overtaken by an infectious clapping during their time of worship on Sunday mornings. This new phenomenon began when children in the nursery were read Max Lucado’s children’s book, One Hand, Two Hands. From there, the adults began a Bible study of the Psalms, eventually forming the rallying cry of “Clap your hands, all you peoples!” Due to the church’s inexperience with clapping, the congregation has only been able to clap on beats 1 and 3 during times of worship. This has led to continued practicing wherever the members live, work, and play.
Surrounding Churches of Christ (non-instrumental) have abruptly chosen to dis-fellowship with the congregation, for fear of endangering their salvation by being within hearing distance of clapping and catching the clap through an earworm.
This revolution at the church in Austin is only the tip of the iceberg of a bigger issue brewing within Churches of Christ (non-instrumental) across the nation. In the Church of Christ yearbook and directory, there is a controversy reverberating as to whether clapping churches should be added as a category (such as: one-cup churches, no Sunday school churches, etc.) or that they should be added to every other Christian group, i.e. heresy. Finger-snapping churches want no part in the controversy because the Church’s blueprint in the New Testament is silent about clapping and they simply participate in a form of the five-finger exercise. Representatives told us, “If they attempt to join our group, we will not offer them the Walter Scott fist bump of brotherly love.”
When questioned on the matter, Al K. Pella of Pepperdine University, Professor of Zen Studies, wondered aloud what would be the sound of one hand clapping in the typical service.