Scranton, PA — On Sunday afternoon, Eastside Christian Church held a congratulatory potluck for Worship Minister Michael Jones due to his organization of a perfect worship service.
Michael said, “I’ve never been so happy to receive deviled eggs in my whole life. It’s taken me 10 years to reach this goal.”
All church members interviewed grinned ear-to-ear when describing the service. Gladys, 88-year-old grandmother of 10, said, “The foam cage that surrounded the drums made the beat feel like gentle, comforting patters of rain hitting my window on a spring morning.” Randy, the running back for the local high school, said, “The changing of all the Thees and Thous in the hymns to Yous brought me closer to God.” John, who was proudly wearing a Chuck Girard t-shirt, praised the keyboard work: “I felt like I went back in time to a Leon Patillo concert.”
The preaching minister, Jason Thomas, agreed the service was perfect and brought fried chicken, but he was quite jealous: “Michael has achieved a level of congregational affirmation I have never received in 25 years. He found the precise balance between Fanny Crosby, Martin Luther, Chris Tomlin, Hillsong, David Crowder, and Rend Collective. I have never been able to find that balance with my illustrations. Either there are too many sports references, the movie is too old, or they have already heard the illustration before.”